This *post*, my *emotions*! I’m so psyched for y’all to get to read Syar’s take.
I got too much heart for my sleeve / I got too much heart to be weak
I’m thinking a lot these days about the tensions between the individual vs the collective. As a Leo sun, I think a lot about pride (rim shot). As a Cancer stellium, I think a lot about taking care of other people, of the things I feel need to be taken care of. There’s crackling energy between recognising the things that “need” “fixing” and being recognised for your eye, your heart, your hands, your acts, your good intentions and both positions provide access to power. Power in the feeling of righteousness, purpose, motivation, strength. Power in feeling “I’ve got fire enough for me and all the things in the world that need revving up, isn’t it then on me to keep the engine going, keep the flames high, give warmth and light and fuel to everyone that needs it?” What are you burning for?
I wanna live in a world where I can keep my doors wide open / But who knows what'd get in and what'd get out / One of these nights, I'll sleep with the windows down / But not until that creature's in the pound
My first encounter with the Queen of Wands was from the Morgan Greer deck, and the calm yellows of the card, the soft leaves on her staff and crown and the big open sunflower in her hand did not make me think “warrior queen”. But her piercing gaze has stuck with me since, looking you right in the eyes, surveying a battlefield a breath before the clash, or in the ringing silence of the aftermath. I often read Wands as quite personal because what’s more personal than passion? But of course fire’s nature is to spread. Passion shared between people kindles a lot of generative energy, and generative energy powers a lot of movement. The Queen of Wands is a strategist with a sense of responsibility, juggling reckless desire and the mantle of leadership, burning with visions of new worlds and all the things standing between us and the horizon. And she needs partners to get there, a pledged sword, bow, axe. When you put out a battlecry who are you calling, what are you asking them to call back, what are you asking them to risk to answer, what are you promising as reward?
I let my ego down and then I rise back up / I let my ego down and then I'll be stronger
Following Jessica Dore’s daily cards on Twitter introduced me to the perspective of Wands signifying boundaries. Energy plays a huge role in the suit of Wands — how it’s generated, drained, exchanged, channelled. Fire is a hard, sometimes impossible, thing to contain. I know the intoxicating seduction of being consumed, the glory of blazing through life, of burning bright enough for people to notice. Recognition is a heady thing to receive and want, and to me, it drives the Wands to a degree. And this can all add up to a hero complex, a martyr complex. You can tend to the embers in a hearth where food is prepared for the hungry and want the same recognition of the guy that launches the flaming cannonball that delivers a critical hit to your opponents, and who’s to say you don’t deserve it. With fire, sometimes we get scared when it’s small, when it seems like it’s in danger of being extinguished or overshadowed. Who are you in the dark, when the shadow falls, where no one can see you and how you move, how do you keep warm, and do you trust that you can conjure a flame again and again and again?
How lucky I feel / To be in my body again / How lovely I feel / Not to have to pretend / Shocking to feel / A positive charge / Innocuous thrill / Big invisible spark
The Queen’s sustained and steady flame burns with exuberance and joy. They know. They know their own power, their own desires, their own hearts. They know they are seen, admired, held up. They know their responsibilities, they know their willingness to serve, they know what’s at stake and what they’re willing to put at stake. Being exactly as you are and embracing where you are is the real intoxicant — fizziness in the blood before a fight, the electric certainty that you’ll win whatever you’re fighting for, that sexy thing people in movies do where they get punched and then they grin with bloody teeth? Are you a little turned on, or is that just me? The steadiness of a lit candle holds within it the promise of a raging bonfire — another thing the Queen knows. When I feel abundant, when I know the vastness of what I am and how no one can take away from me, I am at my most powerful. Light and bright with purpose, however long that high lasts.
attention, Chynna
Troublemaker Doppelganger, Lucy Dacus
Ego Death, Ty Dolla $ign (feat. Kanye West, FKA twigs & Skrillex)
Watch Me While I Bloom, Hayley Williams
Thank you so much to Jamie for reaching out to me to write this guest post. It was a delight to meld my voice with the song of this newsletter I so enjoy, where Jamie is always hitting me with sharp and soft sentences about tarot and life. I’ll be donating my guest post fee to the National Union of Workers in Hospital Support and Allied Services in Peninsular Malaysia (NUWHSAS) as they fight against persecution and exploitation. Read more on that issue here, donate here.
Bio: Syar S. Alia is a writer, tarot reader, and facilitator based in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. She writes the newsletter Record of a Year, which focuses on tarot, process, reflections, and the stories of ourselves. You can book a reading with her here.
All tarot readings currently on a sliding scale.
Hi pals! Content will continue to be free until we’re not sheltering in place. Also, my money situation is tenuous! Subscribing is $5/ month and $50/ year, and if you have some disposable $$ I would love it if you did (or sent me a Venmo tip @james0ctober). Stay safe, bake bread, watch TV. <3