I wrote my thesis during the year of straight anal.
Straight people have been having anal sex since long before “straight people” was a concept, but in recent times it has become particularly shameful, presumably because of its association with gay men. But in 2014, something changed, and butt stuff was everywhere. Cosmo, Playboy, and New York Magazine published horrified how-tos on rimming. #BreakTheInternet happened. And, most relevant to my thesis, straight people started doin it on TV.
I studied how people learn about sex from television, which was an absolute trip. It was mostly intergenerational stuff, but I did keep up with notable sex scenes as they were airing. The Mindy Project, somewhat upsettingly, had an episode called “I Slipped,” and Broad City went so all-in on pegging that you could buy strap-on/ vibrator/ harness set that said “peg like a queen” on the ass. (Please, please find me someone who purchased this. I have a lot of questions.) It was in this extremely specific moment that a gay man on How To Get Away With Murder said the words “he did this thing to my ass that made my eyes water” on network television and I lost my gddmn mind.
Standards and Practices is the network department that makes sure that everything the network airs is up to their moral, ethical, and legal standards. It’s the department that asked Hannibal’s Bryan Fuller to cover up a murder victim’s ass crack, but had no qualms when he offered to cover it with blood. Some amount of it is self-regulation so as not to lose advertisers and an audience, but some amount is legal— the public owns the airwaves, freedom of speech does not apply, and the FCC is a regulating body that can fine networks. Regardless, stuff about sex doesn’t merely air. It goes through extensive vetting, and of course, that vetting changes as time goes on. Imagine a gay man saying “he did this thing to my ass that made my eyes water” on TV in 2009, just five years before one did. If you can, you have a more creative mind than I.
The first time I saw the episode, I spent a lot of time thinking about how we got here. (lol no that is a huge lie, the first time I saw the episode I motored over to AO3.) Times do not merely progress, and GLAAD isn’t out here fighting for vulgarity. Shonda Rhimes and Peter Nowalk and everyone involved with How To Get Away With Murder made that happen. The Two of Wands is impish. She looks down at a match, and she looks up at a tree, and she says, huh. The Two of Wands isn’t the Page, so he doesn’t immediately set the tree on fire, but he does start taking measurements, and the measurements aren’t for safety. He wants to know if he can make it happen. He’s not looking for the how yet; the how comes later. But he’s testing to find out what’s possible, dipping his toe in the water to see if it burns.
Wands have a reputation for being impulsive, and it’s well earned. But I don’t think they get enough credit for what they combine their impulsiveness with. Impulsive behavior isn’t the same as rash behavior. Impulse isn’t far off from intuition, actually. It’s a little jumpy, an unexpected want, but that doesn’t mean there’s going to be immediate action. The Two of Wands explores the want. It has some connection to the best parts of The Devil in that if you investigate where the wanting comes from, you’ll learn a lot about yourself. Any large project goes better when you know why you’re doing it. You will clash with other people in the Five of Wands, but if you’ve really sat with the Two than you’ll be coming at the clash from some very serious bedrock.
I’m fascinated that the Two of Wands is so early in the suit. It’s a very mature skill, planning by yourself instead of jumping right into something. It feels more like a middle of the suit card, or even one that should be towards the end. The maturity of the Two means you have to accept the possibility that you can’t do something that you really want or, more difficult, that you have to choose not to. You might need to do a little mourning, but you’ll definitely benefit in the long run. Sometimes, you need to let matches burn out.
There’s been something Two of Wands-y about writing this post. I wasn’t sure the idea would work, I wasn’t convinced I had the timeline right, I didn’t know if I’d exaggerated the level and style of content. But it did (I think; you can be the judge of that), I was, and I hadn’t. There’s been a tiny glee in writing this, the knowledge that, for at least for one person, this is gonna spark a little joy. But before then, it was just me and my research. I felt the maturity of the Two of Wands, but it was inseparable from the mischief. I had a fucking great time.
I’m currently reading on sliding scale, including barter— get in touch if you want an individual and/or group reading!
Content will continue to be free until it’s way safer to go out. Also, grad school is expensive! Subscribing is $5/ month and $50/ year, and if you have some disposable $$ I would love it if you did (or sent me a Venmo tip @james0ctober). Be safe, watch TV. <3
this sparked joy for ME!!!!!! it also sparked a lot of "ohhhh" and "oh shit" moments of recognition. "he does start taking measurements, and the measurements aren’t for safety." this keeps echoing back for me! As does this "The maturity of the Two means you have to accept the possibility that you can’t do something that you really want or, more difficult, that you have to choose not to. You might need to do a little mourning, but you’ll definitely benefit in the long run. Sometimes, you need to let matches burn out." the timing of this was witchcraft, yet again 🔥